Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman tackles readers' dilemmas, from a tightwad lover to a betrayed fiancée and a hen party fallout.
Cheap Lover Refuses to Spend on Secret Affair
A woman writes that her lover is too terrified to spend money on her in case his partner finds out. Their relationship is conducted on the run, with encounters at parties, on the local common, and in the back of his car. She shares a room in a flat share, so when her mate is out, he comes there, but it's not ideal. He has a good job and loads of money, but she wants luxury hotel rooms, gropes in hot tubs, and romps on satin sheets. He could easily whisk her away, but he's not even prepared to withdraw cash for a night in a cheap B&B near her.
Jane says: "This creep is not interested in soft beds and swanky rooms with you, because he can have all that at home with his established partner. What you give him is edgy, risky sex that makes him feel naughty and alive." She advises the woman to consider if she is happy with this role, being groped and tossed aside for his satisfaction. "This isn't a healthy, equal relationship. This is a man in a long-term union who isn't interested in investing or committing to you. He's simply cheap and mean. He's using you. Dump him before he breaks your spirit."
Friend Betrays Kindness by Stealing Partner
A reader explains that a pal she tried to help has taken her man. Six months ago, the woman came to her in tears, homeless after the break-up of an abusive relationship. The reader let her have the spare room and even set her up in a job with her ex-boss. One day she came home from work early to find her fella giving the friend oral sex on the stairs. Two hours later they took their stuff and left. The ex-partner refuses to answer her texts.
Jane advises: "If your ex-partner has taken up with your ex-friend, then forget about them and get on with your life. You owe it to yourself to move on with as much dignity as you can muster. The tragedy is that you tried to do a nice thing; you tried to help a friend, but she threw your kindness back in your face. We win some we lose some, but what you can't do is allow this experience to make you bitter. Have a good cry, punch a few pillows and then determine to carry on, both older and wiser. Neither were worthy of you."
Girlfriend Returns from Hen Week with Love Bites and Tattoos
A man writes that his girlfriend has just returned from a hen week with three love bites and two new tattoos. She pouts that she got drunk a lot and can't remember what went on. She assumes they can simply carry on as usual, but he feels she has treated him badly.
Jane says: "Your girlfriend obviously had a great time. But if you're unhappy with the love bites – and who gave them to her – then tell her she's over-stepped the mark. What is the truth because drink is never an excuse. Is she willing to tell you what really went on or do you have to dig around? The reality is that the full story will inevitably come out in the end because it always does."
