A writer has explained why the gory Saw franchise has become her go-to comfort film, despite its graphic traps and questionable morality. In a personal essay, she describes how the series, from the original Saw to the latest instalment Saw X, has become a source of unexpected solace.
A lifelong obsession
The writer recalls being obsessed with the franchise long before watching it. At 11, she went to bed each night convinced that Jigsaw, the series' villain, would scoop her up in a van. By 13, she had looked up every film on Wikipedia and read through each trap with terrified excitement. At 14, she drank her first can of Stella and typed Saw II into YouTube, watching it in 12 installments.
Now 31, she has seen every film so many times she could count the viewings on both hands. She admits the reasons are mostly shallow: she does not care for the nonsensical storyline, the dubstep editing, or the ham acting, and finds the morality deeply specious. But she says she is guaranteed not to be bored, unable to tap out while watching a man in a revolving crucifix or a woman cutting off her leg.
Horror as meditation
The writer compares watching horror to meditation or doing planks, going through waves of discomfort before discovering she is still there at the end. She says she has struggled with suicidal ideation her entire life and finds herself wincing at the films, despite feeling benumbed.
She notes that Jigsaw's catchphrase is "Live or die", and that living is much harder, requiring constant attention and struggle. Watching the films, she puts herself in the victims' positions and considers what she would do if she had 60 seconds to cut into her eye or die.
Finding survival instinct
The writer concludes that no matter how much you think you want to die, you probably do have a bit of survival instinct left. She says that if on another day she would feel like throwing the scalpel down and giving up, she will put on Saw once again, and remember what it costs to choose otherwise.
Saw is available to rent digitally in the US and UK and on Stan and Binge in Australia. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123. In the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be called or texted at 988. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14.
