Fiona Allen, 61, hails from Lancashire and was trained at drama school in Salford. She co-wrote and starred in the Emmy-winning, Bafta-nominated sketch show Smack the Pony from 1999. Her TV credits span Shameless, Skins, Waterloo Road and EastEnders, while her films include 24 Hour Party People, Fat Slags, Gladiatress and Finding Emily. In 2023, she took her show On the Run to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and later toured the UK. This year, she is performing White Lies at Edinburgh’s Gilded Balloon Teviot from 5 to 29 August. Allen is married with three children and lives in Berkshire.
Fears, first memories and pet hates
Greatest fear: Allen is most frightened by her children navigating the world as it is today, and by daddy longlegs.
Earliest memory: At about age three, at nursery, she and a little boy rode trikes round and round, laughing. When he went down the slide headfirst, she thought, “My hero.” They had a blast, but were then split up and forbidden to play together.
Trait most deplored in others: Coldness and selfishness.
Splurges and treasured things
Most expensive purchase after property: In her 20s, after a falling out with her boyfriend, she bought a silver and black Mazda sports car and a matching jumper and jacket, which cheered her up. She saw her ex do a double take.
Most treasured possession: A little dibber from her father that originated from his grandad, a jewellery box from her mother, and her olive trees.
Describe herself in three words: Passionate, gobby, flabby.
Appearance, habits and a cutting remark
Most disliked aspect of her appearance: Her resting face. People often say to her, “Don’t worry, it might never happen,” when she is actually really happy.
Most unappealing habit: She butts in while chatting, like an excitable puppy.
Worst thing anyone has said to her: Her second agent told her, “The thing is, you look like something but then you open your mouth.” Allen responded by getting a sketch show and leaving, so the agent lost out.
Family, dreams and a cockapoo
What she owes her parents: So many apologies.
Last night’s dream: She was Boudicca driving a chariot into the Waitrose car park.
Who she would most like to be: Her cockapoo, Herbert, who has a carefree life and tremendous eyelashes.
Love, loathing and a lucky escape
Greatest love of her life: Her dog – sorry, her family.
Living person most despised: Amoral tech bros.
Closest she has come to death: A black cab ride with taxi driver John Worboys. She was going from Soho to Chiswick. The driver talked constantly and offered her champagne. She said she didn’t like it, and he fell quiet. She then questioned why he was drinking champagne while driving, and he said he had just won the lottery and was finished after this. Allen says she had a lucky escape.
Achievements and legacy
Greatest achievement: Growing three brains.
How she would like to be remembered: Allen hopes to be remembered as someone who was surprisingly good at the harpsichord.
