Dawn French has made a heartbreaking confession about the lasting impact of her father's death. The actress, 68, admitted that "suicide lives in my brain" after her father, Denys, took his own life at the age of 45 in 1977. Denys, an RAF engineer, had a history of depression.
Dawn's childhood loss
Dawn was just 19 years old when her father died. She previously described feeling "furious and full of grief" in the aftermath. Now, she has opened up about how that loss has shaped her thoughts as she ages.
Speaking to The Times, Dawn said: "Suicide lives in my brain in a way it might not for somebody who hasn't experienced it so closely. And as I've got older, I want to talk about the big things. I set out to write something I'm a bit afraid to admit: that getting older is difficult, end of life is difficult, suicide is difficult."
Thoughts of suicide
Dawn revealed that, as she has grown older, she has experienced thoughts of suicide, but insisted: "I don't think I would ever make this choice." However, she acknowledged that she can understand why some people do.
She said that her father "lived his whole life with this suicidal ideation and with depression". Although she said she does not know all the details, she revealed that he had previously attempted suicide while training at RAF Halton.
Tribute to friend
Last month, the comedian paid an emotional tribute to her close friend, publicist Neil Reading, who died at the age of 56 following a short illness. The pair worked together for more than 30 years, with Dawn describing the late star as her "fierce protector".
She penned on Instagram: "This beautiful chap Neil Reading @neilreadingpr was my press representative and fierce protector. We worked together to promote work stuff for 30 odd years or more.. but along the way, we forged a profound friendship, based on trust & respect."
She added: "He was there for me and my family in many tricky moments and he helped me in ways I will never forget. We shared tons of laughs and I learned so much from him… (although I didn't ever manage to master the filter button…) Most of all though, his intelligent & measured calm was a salve to my fears."
"We never EVER had a conversation either on the phone or in person, that didn't include his utter love for his beautiful wife and beloved daughter. NOTHING mattered more, and he constantly reminded me about what really counts. He balanced me. He guarded me. He was massively respected and loved."
She concluded: "I can't quite believe I'm referring to him in the past. Not sure how to be without him. Heartbroken. Bye Neil. You darlin man…"
