If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Should I Offer to Become My Ex-Boyfriend’s Mistress?
Reader: Should I offer to become my ex-boyfriend’s mistress? Should I offer him my sexual services even though he’s back with his wife? I love and miss him so much. It’s getting to the stage where I’ll consider anything to get back into his pants again. I consider 2024 to be the best year of my life, because sex with my ex-boyfriend was simply amazing. We spent whole weekends in bed where all we did was kiss, order pizza deliveries and make love. Frequently I would hit a sexual plateau where an intense orgasm would ripple through my whole body for what seemed like hours. We used to romp on a local beach as well as at a well-known dogging site. We had so much fun. Unfortunately, we broke up when his estranged wife announced that she wanted to give their marriage a second go. He felt obliged to return home for the sake of his children. I haven’t had a lover like him since. I’ve been out with several guys, but no one satisfies me like he did. I hate the thought of never hitting my sexual peak again. Dare I ring him and simply ask if he is up for mistress; a no-strings attached bit on the side?
Jane Says: Sometimes we meet someone and everything clicks into place. The sex is amazing and we feel like two halves of a perfect whole. It’s a terrible shame (for you) that your ex has moved on, but you can’t allow the memory of him to blur everything else you do in future. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to replace him. Take sex off the menu and concentrate on a little ‘me time’. See your mates and rebuild your confidence, because I’m worried that you’re looking for great sex on the rebound. Don’t discount the fact that you’re still missing your ex and mourning the end of that relationship. Hopefully, in time, you’ll find someone new who hits the bull’s eye again. Don’t be tempted to sell yourself short. And definitely don’t offer to become his mistress.
Desperate to Try Sex with Someone Else
Reader: I’m desperate to try sex with someone else. I’ve been with my partner for years and he’s been my only lover. He’s a good person and I respect him enormously. But the urge to branch out becomes stronger almost every day. I see men when I’m with friends and think: “I wonder what he’d be like?” So far all I’ve done is flirt, but I’d definitely cheat if I knew that I could get away with it. Things have become worse recently with my sister now dating again. She’s living it up after her divorce and is having the time of her life. She keeps begging me to join her on wild nights out. Do I finally jump to find out what is out there for me?
Jane Says: Don’t allow your sister’s situation to upset your stable relationship with your partner. If things have become stale in bed, then resolve to shake them up. Talk to your partner about penciling in some early nights; consider erotic literature and even organise some fun blind dates (where you turn up, as if strangers, and flirt). I realise that the temptation to risk a sneaky one-night-stand is a strong one but think about how dirty and guilty you’d feel afterwards. Think about what it would do to your partner. Your sister is in a totally different place to you. She is recently divorced and doesn’t have any ties. Don’t allow her to use you because she may just be jealous of what you have.
Spending Conflicts: Experiences vs. Stuff
Reader: I like to spend my money on experiences; holidays, day trips and meals out. Unfortunately, my boring partner prefers trawling shops for stuff; furnishings, ornaments, gadgets etc. This is causing conflict between us. She’s not keen on inviting people over either. Our home is beginning to look like a museum. What’s the solution?
Jane Says: Your partner has to have it explained to her that you need to feel the wind on your face and have something to talk about later. Try and get her to agree to a couple of fixed dates each month where you get to challenge yourselves and have some fun. Obviously, there is always a degree of ‘staying in’ in any established relationship, but surely having a couple of friends over won’t spoil your home too much? Compromise has to be the key.
Neighbour Dispute: Bully and Snob
Reader: I can’t stand our neighbours. He is a bully and she is a snob. A couple of months ago I had a massive row with him over everything from where I park my car to where he places his wheelie bin. Things turned very nasty, very quickly with him swearing and me threatening to call the police. My bloke was at work at the time, and I rang him in tears. He stormed home vowing revenge. He said he had a right mind to go in there and have it out with them, only he couldn’t trust himself to stay calm – so he did nothing… Now I keep catching him chatting to him and flirting with her. The problem is that these horrible neighbours are loaded and are planning a massive refurbishment of their whole house. My bloke is a builder and wants the job. I feel he betrays me every time he sucks up to them. The other day I went out the front and he was sitting in the bloke’s new sports car. I shot him my most evil glance and he pretended not to see me. Later I caught him out the back pouring her a glass of fizz over the garden wall. I know that I must talk to my fella about this, but I’m so upset that I don’t know where to begin. It worries me that he’s more bothered about landing a lucrative job than pleasing me. Also, if I can’t trust him with people who are right under my nose, then what’s he like when he’s out in the big, wide, world? How can I be sure that he’s not knocking off all his clients? I know that sounds like mad talk, but I’m just feel so isolated and alone right now. I expected my man to support me in the face of intimidation yet he’s simply not willing to watch my back – and that’s not a nice feeling.
Jane Says: Clearly your man is a person who likes to keep his eyes very much on the prize. He can sniff money in the air and wants his cut. Presumably it would break his heart to witness another builder working on a site right under his nose. That’s all very well from a professional and financial point of view, but he must stop and look at how this neighbourhood conflict is affecting you. Sneaking around behind your back, pouring your female neighbour a glass of fizz and admiring the bloke’s latest toy is insensitive at the very least. Can’t he see how crass he’s being? Yes, you get it that he needs to stay afloat, and on-going feuds are never a good idea, but surely all four of you need to sit down together to clear the air before the sun goes down for another day? As far as you’re concerned there are still a number of unresolved boundary issues that needs to be discussed. Talk to your man tonight and insist that he sets up a meeting on neutral ground. As for doubting his loyalty away from the home, you need to get cast iron assurances from him that he is 100 per cent on your side and can be trusted. Warn him that you won’t be messed about and will turn detective if you have to. He has to realise that you are no pushover and will be heard and respected.
