A divorced single mum has written to agony aunt Coleen Nolan for advice after her 16-year-old son opted to live with his dad, leaving her feeling heartbroken.
The mum, who split from her ex when their son was five, says she has raised him pretty much on her own since then. While his dad was always on the scene, she says she was the one doing all the actual parenting, offering stability, guidance and emotional support through good times and bad.
School runs and packed lunches
“I did every school run, packed every lunch and made every dinner, while my ex swooped in occasionally with tickets for a football match or the offer of a holiday,” she wrote. She says she is not having a go at her ex and is glad they have a good relationship, but it stings that her son wants to live with him.
The mum explained that her son says he has more in common with his dad now he is older. She is dealing with an empty nest before she expected it, as he is her only child, while her ex has two younger kids with his wife.
Coleen’s advice
Coleen replied: “I really feel the sadness in your letter, but this decision your son has made doesn’t take anything away from the great job you’ve done of raising him.” She said it probably feels like she has been taken for granted, but it doesn’t mean her son loves her any less.
Coleen advised telling him she misses him, but trying not to make him feel guilty for moving out. She recalled her own son Shane wanting to live with his dad, which felt like a knife in her gut, but he lasted three weeks and came back.
“Maybe in a few weeks your son will decide he doesn’t want to share a house with noisy younger siblings and ends up on your doorstep!” she wrote. Coleen also mentioned her other son Jake going to theatre school in London at 14, and said she has remained close to both her sons because she let them try things and didn’t put pressure on them.
She advised keeping conversations going with her ex so they are all on the same page, and giving her son space to figure things out.
