Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is available every day to help readers with their problems, offering straightforward advice on issues ranging from bedroom confessions to self-confidence and drug use. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP, or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Mother's Control Causes Distress
A 19-year-old reader wrote that her mother denies her a sex life, calling it disgusting that she fancies her boyfriend and likes sleeping with him. The mother has stormed into the bedroom when she knows they have gone up for an early night. The reader says her mother does not like her going out with friends, male or female, because her own mother was controlling.
The mother, newly single after the step-dad left, views her daughter as personal property and a side-kick for company. The reader feels guilty for wanting her own life, as her mother sulks and stops talking when she stands up for herself.
Jane says a negative pattern is repeating itself. She advises the reader to politely remind her mother that they are from a different generation, and that the issues and petty jealousies from her mother's past are nothing to do with her. Jane urges the reader to stand up for herself and live life to the full, noting she is entitled to love and friendship. She suggests seeking support from adult relatives or family friends, and encouraging her mother to make new friends or join clubs to build her own life.
Disrespect in the Household
Another reader, the sole earner, works ten-hour days but feels treated like dirt. The house is packed with his wife, a son who refuses to get a job, and in-laws visiting from South Africa. He comes home at 9pm to no food, and when he talks about his day, everyone tells him to 'shut up'.
Jane says it sounds like he is about to snap. She advises a sit-down chat with his wife to explain he cannot support so many ungrateful people. She suggests getting a fixed moving-out date for the in-laws, possibly a motel until their flight leaves, and addressing whether the son needs support and guidance. She also asks if the wife has a problem with the marriage and where the respect went.
Warning a Fiancée About a Brother
A third reader describes their brother as vile, recalling childhood bullying, being hit, and having belongings broken. The brother forced fast eating, consumed porn from a young age, and treated girlfriends with contempt. Now engaged to a lovely woman at 33, the reader believes he is putting on an act and will flip once married, asking whether to warn her now.
Jane says the story is the reader's to tell, acknowledging the unique experience growing up. She suggests explaining to the possible future sister-in-law how things were, leaving it up to her how to proceed. Jane notes the brother might not appreciate the interference, but asks if the reader could forgive himself if she is hurt or abused later. She questions whether the brother has matured and cleaned up his act.
