A 32-year-old woman has written to advice columnist Coleen Nolan expressing frustration over her boyfriend of two years, who turns 40 next month, repeatedly delaying a marriage proposal. Initially, he said he would propose by Easter, but that deadline passed without an engagement. Now he claims he will pop the question by Christmas.
The reader describes feeling like a "needy chick," which she says is far from her personality, but the delay is driving her crazy. She notes that all her friends are either married or engaged, highlighting the absence of a proposal in her own relationship. She believes the time is right in her life and points out that her boyfriend will soon be 40, asking, "If not now, when?"
Coleen's advice: Stop talking about it
Coleen advises the reader to stop discussing the proposal, as the more it becomes an issue, the more pressure the boyfriend will feel. She warns against forcing a proposal, sharing a personal anecdote: her second husband Ray took seven years to propose because family and friends constantly asked about it. When he finally did propose, it was a complete surprise and more meaningful because he did it his own way.
Coleen says, "Honestly, stop talking about it because I think the more it becomes an issue, the more pressure he’ll feel. And you don’t want him to propose because you forced him into it."
When to reassess the relationship
If Christmas comes and goes without a proposal, Coleen suggests having a serious conversation to determine if both partners want the same future. Until then, she recommends taking the pressure off and avoiding using friends' engagements to make the boyfriend feel guilty. She also asks whether the reader has ever discussed how her boyfriend feels about marriage or what type of wedding he would like, emphasizing that the decision should be mutually happy.
Coleen concludes with general wisdom: "If something doesn’t go your way, look for the lesson and remind yourself that you’ve come back from disappointments before and you can do it again. Take time to regroup before deciding on your next move."
