A man aged 29 has been with his girlfriend for three years and is considering proposing. However, he feels she needs to 'grow up' and appreciate her life, saying her attitude 'stinks' and that she sulks over minor issues. In a letter to agony aunt Coleen Nolan, he describes an incident where they were offered a free upgrade to a rooftop suite with a private hot tub, but she complained the bathroom was too small and sulked for the rest of the stay.
Advice on changing her outlook
Coleen responds that you cannot change people; they have to change themselves. She suggests that the man's more mature and optimistic outlook might rub off on her. However, her most important advice is not to get engaged if he feels this way. She advises waiting until he is sure and the timing feels right.
Communication and honesty
Coleen notes that weddings are stressful and it's crucial for couples to be on the same page. She suggests taking time to share experiences and grow together, as they are both still young. She also advises calling out her behaviour if she acts like a 'petulant child', as honest communication is key in an equal partnership.
Facing doubts before marriage
She concludes that if he has these thoughts now, a wedding certificate won't make them disappear. It's important to confront any issues or doubts before walking down the aisle, so he can feel truly happy. She also adds that if struggling with something painful, one doesn't have to be defined by that experience; what matters is how one emerges from it.
