A man in his late-30s is seeking advice after his ex-girlfriend from a decade ago continues to send flirty messages, even though he has moved in with a new partner. He describes her as an old friend but believes her feelings run deeper, and he is worried about hiding the messages from his current girlfriend.
Background and Current Situation
The man explains that he broke up with his first serious girlfriend 10 years ago, after they dated for a few years in their early-20s. Although he views her as just a friend, he suspects she still harbours romantic feelings. He has moved in with his partner a few months ago and has told her about his ex, but has not been fully honest about how often they communicate.
He feels that continuing to message so much after all these years is not beneficial for either of them, especially since he believes her feelings are deeper than friendship. He does not want to upset her, but he is also concerned about his current relationship.
Coleen's Advice
In response, Coleen advises sending a final, kind message explaining that he has met someone and moved in with her, and that continuing to message, even as a friend, feels disrespectful because of their past. She suggests wishing her well and then deleting the chats, and possibly blocking her number if necessary.
Coleen emphasises that cutting the cord completely is hard but necessary if he believes she is still hoping for a romantic relationship. She notes that holding onto this friendship may be preventing his ex from moving forward and finding someone special.
She also points out that if his girlfriend were constantly texting an old boyfriend, he would likely feel worried or insecure. Coleen concludes that he likely has enough friends without needing his ex in his life, and suggests that occasional social encounters or comments on social media posts would be a better way to stay friends.
