A man in his 30s has revealed he discovered his partner of eight years had been having an on/off affair with someone she has known since her teenage years. The affair reportedly lasted for almost the entire relationship, apart from the first six months.
Discovery and split
The man found out by chance and the couple split up, with his partner moving out. Since then, she has apologised and said she has been having therapy. She has also cited a difficult childhood – her parents were both drinkers and her home life was toxic – as a factor affecting her behaviour in relationships.
She now wants another chance, but the man is unsure if he can go through it again. He says the affair makes a mockery of their relationship and that he feels betrayed. Despite this, he still loves her and misses her, and is tempted to reconcile.
Advice from Coleen
Coleen Nolan advises the man to ignore the opinions of friends, who are urging him not to take her back. She points out that whether the infidelity was a one-night stand or a long-term affair, the outcome is the same: it destroys trust, which is very hard to reset.
She suggests he needs to take a long, hard look at what going back would be like. Loving someone does not necessarily mean he should be with them. She says he has done the hard part by ending the relationship, but has not given himself the chance to heal and move on.
Time to heal
Coleen recommends he allow himself time alone to get over his ex and fall out of love, and to meet other people. She warns that he is vulnerable right now because the break-up is raw and his ex is making promises. She advises him not to go back just because it is familiar, and reminds him he is worth more. She says he needs time to rebuild his self-esteem and feel stronger and more confident.
