Owners of Franco's Ristorante Pizzeria in Oswaldtwistle, Lancashire, have posted a scathing 1.5-star review of the burglars who broke into their restaurant on Monday, July 13. The incident was reported at 11.46pm, according to LancsLive.
Burglars mocked in social media post
The restaurant took to social media to inform customers of the break-in with a sarcastic update, rating the thieves' performance. The burglars smashed a "giant hole through to next door" and stole a £150 float. The owners said the culprits will be easy to find as they will smell "strongly of plasterboard dust, oregano, and desperation."
Despite the damage, the restaurant remains open, noting the new "ventilation" coming through the door. They also issued a public service announcement asking locals to point the thieves in their direction to help clean up the mess.
Full review posted online
The post read: "To the absolute mastermind who decided to grace Franco’s with their presence in the dead of night: we hope you’re thrilled with your haul. Honestly, we’d love to leave you a review.
"Burglary Review: 1.5/5 stars. The Entry: 2/10. Breaking into the key box? Fair enough, a bit of actual thinking there. But then deciding to channel your inner Wreck-It Ralph and smash a giant hole through the next door? Not your finest work. The sheer noise and effort to get through wood when you already had keys is a level of logic we simply cannot comprehend.
"The Loot: 2/10. Congratulations on making off with the £150 float. Truly, the Ocean’s Eleven of local petty crime. We hope that massive windfall is enough to cover your upcoming legal fees, because it certainly isn't going to buy you a getaway island.
"The Exit: 2/10. Points deducted for leaving a trail of splinters and drywall dust. Very amateurish.
"A Quick Public Service Announcement: If you see someone in the local area suddenly acting like a high-roller because they have exactly £150 in small change—while smelling strongly of plasterboard dust, oregano, and desperation—please point them in our direction. We’d love to hand over the broom so they can sweep up the absolute tip they left behind.
"We are open as normal on Thursday, despite our door now having some unexpected 'ventilation.' Come on down—we promise we treat our actual paying customers a lot better than our nighttime construction workers."
Police investigation
Lancashire Police confirmed a report of burglary at 11.46pm on Monday, July 13. Enquiries are ongoing. Anyone with information is asked to call police and quote log number LC-20260713-1808.
