In the wake of the Russell Brand trial and the David Walliams exposé, a woman has spoken about how her brief relationship with a 36-year-old DJ when she was 17 now looks very different to her.
Writing for the Guardian, Polly Hudson described how she and her teenage friends thought it was glamorous to have relationships with older men. She said many "women of a certain age" were consumed by the details of the Brand trial and the Walliams exposé, and were "pleasantly surprised, albeit dazed – stunned even – by there being consequences for their behaviour".
A teenage relationship with a DJ
Hudson recounted her relationship with a 36-year-old man when she was 17. He was the DJ at a local high street nightclub she attended using a fake ID. A group of her friends, all the same age, went to the nightclub regularly, as did a group of the DJ's friends, all about 20 years older. They paired off, and no one questioned it.
She said she was desperate to be treated as an adult, and the DJ treated her that way. Her association with him made her feel "unbelievably cool, special and grownup". She never questioned what a man approaching 40 wanted with a kid, or why he wasn't going out with women his own age.
Reframing past experiences
Now, decades later, Hudson said she is most angry with herself for not knowing better. She compared it to her time as a waitress, when male bosses would run their hands over the teenage staff. She said she got used to dodging a grope and laughing off suggestive remarks.
She said she feels as if she has been "blundering through life with my eyes closed", and that in light of the testimonies she has heard, many intimate encounters are now reframed. She said there were times when she felt bad or confused afterwards, but told herself she was being silly or oversensitive.
Looking forward
Hudson said one way to reconcile how so many women's histories have been altered is to focus on hope and on what can change, now that some women have taught others how to know better. She is a freelance writer.
