The alleged rape of a 20-year-old woman at a Cornell University fraternity party has reignited calls for mothers to teach their sons about consent, but columnist Gaby Hinsliff argues that men must share this responsibility, as boys learn by watching how the men they respect treat women.
The Cornell case and its aftermath
Seven men were involved in an incident lasting almost seven hours, according to the woman at the centre of the case. She described it less as a sexual encounter and more as a grim pack-bonding exercise fuelled by alcohol and ketamine, in which she was passed around like a blow-up doll. The woman, then 20 and drunk at a college frat house party, had reportedly agreed to a threesome with a student she liked, though her lawyer maintains she was not sober enough to consent.
A crude invitation was allegedly sent to a group chat of more than 50 of the men's friends, advertising "free pussy" upstairs. One reportedly texted back "Shop still open?" in the early hours. The lawsuit, filed by the alleged victim against the students she accuses of pressuring her into taking drugs and raping her in autumn 2024, and against Cornell University for failing to protect her, claims she concluded "there was no way for her to escape" a room full of predatory men. All deny wrongdoing.
Why mothers are again urged to act
Two of the seven were reportedly expelled after she went to campus police, but none were arrested; five were free to continue their education after writing essays, serving short suspensions, and attending workshops. The alleged victim dropped out of university and is struggling with her mental health, with her lawyer saying she is "barely hanging on".
Her story has left young women incandescent with rage and touched a deep nerve with older ones. On social media, mothers are swapping advice on raising sons who not only refrain from rape but would intervene if they received such a message. Hinsliff calls the advice excellent but says it makes her angry and exhausted, asking: "How has rape prevention become yet another thing on mothers' to-do lists?"
Men must step up
Hinsliff points to the University of Bath's investigation into claims that student sports club members were overheard talking about spiking freshers' drinks, noting the Office for Students found one in seven British students reported suffering sexual violence. She argues that mandatory consent lessons cannot unpick in an hour what boys have absorbed over 18 years.
She writes: "Boys learn by watching how the men they look up to treat their partners, female colleagues, women on the street." At the Labour party conference, a More in Common fringe meeting on tackling male violence was so packed that people stood outside the door. The gen-Z anti-rape movement Enough has launched a social media campaign involving male student rugby players preaching that this isn't just a women's issue.
The local district attorney, who decided in 2024 not to press charges, has reopened an investigation into what he now calls allegations of "heinous and despicable acts". Hinsliff concludes: "It's already clear that lives were ruined that night; that it was a tragedy, and a preventable one. Precisely the kind, in other words, that parenting exists to stop."
