A reader from Abingdon, promoted last month, now manages former colleagues, including two close friends. He worries about becoming pompous or letting people take liberties, and asks how to handle the situation without alienating his mates. Careers expert James Innes offers guidance in his latest column.
Balancing Friendship and Authority
Innes notes that the danger is not only becoming a “little Napoleon” but also going too far the other way, failing to manage anybody at all in an attempt to prove you have not changed. He advises that former mates understand the promotion has altered things, even if they prefer to pretend otherwise.
He suggests having a quiet word with each friend, explaining that you value the friendship, that the new arrangement may occasionally feel odd, and that you intend to treat everyone fairly. No solemn summit is required.
Setting Boundaries and Handling Tests
Innes advises behaving normally until management is actually required. You can still laugh with people, but you cannot join in with gossip about the boss, pass on confidential information, or overlook poor work because you shared pints together.
He warns that somebody will eventually test the boundary, perhaps through lateness, cheek, or a request for favourable treatment. Deal with it early, privately, and without putting on a new manager voice. The longer you ignore it, the more embarrassing the eventual conversation becomes.
Dealing With Favours
Innes recommends asking one blunt question before agreeing to any favour: “Would I do this for anyone on the team?” If the answer is no, simply say, “I can’t treat you differently now.” A proper friend may be mildly irritated but will get over it, while someone who becomes seriously offended presents another problem.
His top tip: don’t try to prove you’re the boss, and don’t try to pretend you’re still merely a mate. Be yourself, set fair boundaries early, and tackle the first awkward incident promptly.
