‘Does anyone want a cuppa?’ It’s probably one of the best questions a British person can hear — even if, when it comes from a colleague, it means you now owe them one in return. But while reciprocity is one of the key unwritten rules of the office tea round, it’s not one every co-worker adheres to.
We all work with someone who will always accept the offer yet never makes them. And if you think you don’t, it’s probably because you’re that person at your workplace. Of course, everyone’s got work to be doing, and most aren’t keeping an exact hot drink-making tally. But if you’re letting everyone else do all the legwork, all the time, without returning the favour? Now, that can get a little bit irksome.
A social exchange
According to etiquette expert Jo Hayes, the tea round is much like any other social exchange in life — which means ensuring you give around as much as you take. In terms of those who shirk their duties in this respect, she tells Metro: ‘It’s not good etiquette, it’s not good manners, and it’s rather selfish. It demonstrates a lack of self and social awareness, because in relational exchanges there’s an unspoken equilibrium that we do well to maintain.’
‘A fairly equal back and forth with regards to doing nice things for each other maintains a healthy, positive relationship. But when it becomes unbalanced, it creates for a negative vibe.’
Jo has personal experience with this. In an office she worked in previously, she’d have a cup of coffee with a colleague at a certain time of day. After a certain point, she started to automatically make one for her co-worker before their daily ritual began. Except, the relationship was never equal.
‘Maybe once every 20 times I made one for her, she would make one for me,’ Jo jokes. ‘I do things with such a detachment. I didn’t feel taken for granted. It didn’t really bother me, but it did show a rather immense lack of awareness.’
‘I don’t like how they make it’
It’s understandable to be frustrated when a co-worker shuns their perceived responsibility in this way. In the expert’s opinion though, keeping such close tabs on tea-making can risk insinuating the ‘wrong mindset’ or a ‘hard posture’ with regards to doing what is, effectively, just a nice thing for someone else.
‘We should do it with no strings attached,’ she says. ‘No expectation of return, but at the same time, in social relational situations, there does need to be an equilibrium.’
The issue of the office tea round is a contentious one among social media users. Over on the r/AskUK subreddit, Xythian208 questioned whether it was rude to be a ‘tea loner’, prompting numerous replies calling it ‘unforgivable’ and ‘antisocial’. Elsewhere however, dronebox admitted they ‘much prefer’ to make their own tea, in their own cup, with their own ‘personal stash of preferred tea bags.’
‘I’m wondering why some people go round offering everyone a tea, and then get offended when I make myself a tea,’ wrote another, SemisolidOzmo. Others claimed they’d opted out of rounds after becoming sick of the politics involved, including Knowlesdinho who said they were tired of people’s ‘specific requirements.’
‘I’ve politely excused myself from it,’ thevoid added. ‘I can’t keep up with them and I don’t like how they make it.’
It’s quite a tightrope, and people are fervent in their views. So, next time your colleague offers you a hot drink, choose your answer carefully.
