A married woman in her 40s has ended a close relationship with another man, but is struggling to move on. The relationship never became physical, but both partners developed strong feelings. The woman, who wrote to agony aunt Coleen Nolan, says she still loves her husband but her head was turned by the excitement of the other man.
Struggling to move on
The reader explained that the other man, who also has a partner, has been texting and calling, but she has ignored his messages. She told him it was too dangerous to keep seeing each other, and he agreed, but they still have strong feelings. She described the obsession as like a teenage crush and fears that continued contact will lead to a physical affair.
Her marriage is not bad, and she loves and cares for her husband, but they have been together since their mid-20s. She admits she knows she has crossed a line and wants advice on how to get over the other man quickly.
Coleen's advice
Coleen Nolan advised the reader that the other man has been a wake-up call to pay attention to her marriage, and that it is lucky the relationship did not progress to a sexual affair. She praised the reader for not engaging with him and suggested blocking and deleting his number to stop contact.
Nolan said it will be hard for a while, but it will get easier. She urged the reader to examine why her marriage is vulnerable, asking what has changed, whether they have stopped making an effort, and if they have grown apart. She also warned against romanticising the other man, who offers excitement and escape, and reminded the reader of the potential consequences of an affair.
Focus on your marriage
Nolan advised committing to trying to get back what is missing in the marriage and putting energy into that. Her final words of wisdom were: "Never settle for someone you must constantly remind to treat you better. Don't settle for a relationship if you have any doubts or it makes you doubt yourself. Be with someone who offers peace."
