Domino Kirke, wife of Penn Badgley, has responded to fans who continue to blame her for her husband's decision to step back from filming intimate scenes. In a video shared on Instagram, the 42-year-old singer and doula said she still receives direct messages holding her responsible for a decision Penn first discussed publicly around three years ago.
'So I continue to get DMs about this thing that happened about three years ago,' she said in the video. Penn, 39, revealed in 2023 that he had asked You showrunner Sera Gamble whether he could stop filming intimate scenes, citing fidelity in his marriage as important to him. He also later spoke about wanting to move away from being cast as the romantic lead, a role that followed him from Gossip Girl's Dan Humphrey to You's Joe Goldberg.
Kirke Clarifies Decision Was Penn's Own
According to Kirke, there was no wife-imposed ban. 'When he decided he didn't want to do this anymore, I was super happy for him, very proud of him because I understood how major it was,' she explained. 'It's really major in his industry because that's the thing they like you to do, and the characters that my husband has played over the years, people have come to expect that he will continue to play that guy.'
She described the decision as one of 'mental health and relational hygiene' and stressed that Penn was the person who made it. Kirke, who has worked as a birth professional for 17 years, said helping people establish such boundaries is also an important part of her own career. 'I am not just Penn Badgley's wife – I also do things like support people in making these kinds of decisions for themselves and their careers,' she said.
Addressing the Rumour Directly
In an accompanying lengthy caption, she addressed the rumour even more directly. 'A few years ago, the internet decided I'd asked my husband to stop doing sex scenes,' she wrote. 'The truth is, my husband decided to do this for his own mental health reason. After working in the industry since he was just 12 years old, believe me, it was time.'
She went on to make a broader point about performers being expected to surrender their boundaries in the name of entertainment, claiming actors are referred to as 'puppets' behind the scenes. Kirke compared the dynamic to patterns she has witnessed among caregivers and birth workers, who she said can become accustomed to 'collapse, disappear, or take direction no matter what'.
Penn's Career Continues Unaffected
'They're constantly allowing folks to blaze past their boundaries all in the spirit of being accommodating or in my husband's case, entertaining,' she continued. She argued Penn eventually decided to 'take a stand and let the world see him' – with his career surviving the development that audiences might occasionally have to watch him while fully dressed. 'And guess what, he hasn't lost fans and he's still getting hired!' she added.
Kirke also reflected on the toll her own work had previously taken on her, revealing that after 17 years on call as a birth doula she had struggled with sleep, regularly became ill and had little energy left for her children. 'I was on autopilot. I was performing,' she said. 'The people who care for everyone else (and artists) are the people we most need to protect.'
She finished the post by promoting a virtual programme she runs for caregivers who struggle with people-pleasing and maintaining boundaries. For anyone still planning to message her about her husband's sex scenes three years after the fact, Kirke added one final hashtag: '#getoverit.'
Penn and Kirke married in 2017 and share three sons together. The actor is also stepfather to Kirke's son from a previous relationship. Penn previously shared that he asked showrunner Sera Gamble for the intimate scenes to be turned down a notch in season 4 of You. 'I was nervous to even have that conversation,' he said. 'It was not easy. It was easy because of Sera's response, and I felt relieved. But technically speaking, if I thought I'd had the ability to set that boundary earlier, I would have,' he added to GQ.
The actor previously explained that he's also 'had enough' of kissing scenes, noting he shot his first 21 years ago at the age of 15. 'It's caused an interesting conversation. Touching and kissing are some of the few things in the world you can't simulate; if you're doing it, you're doing it,' he said. He added to i: 'I've been acting professionally for 25 years. I think my first kissing scene was when I was 15. I'm now 36. I've had enough. It's my boundary and I'm here to set it!'
