Writer Darcey Steinke's new memoir, This Is the Door, explores how chronic pain reshapes identity and perception. Steinke, who suffered debilitating pain from a herniated disc, says the experience forced her to stand all day and left her 'roiling, anxious, fragmented'. The book draws on interviews with about 80 people and historical research into pain.
Steinke found that pain, while isolating, can also foster empathy and connection. 'When I see people with mobility issues on the street, I used to think they have a little limp. Now I know they're also in pain,' she says. Many interviewees reported that pain 'realigned their relationship with the universe' and made them feel 'more connected with reality'.
The author notes that pain memoirs often focus on finding a cure, but she wanted to write about living with pain rather than overcoming it. 'There was a general feeling that this wasn't a meaningful or valuable time... that really isolated me,' she says. Steinke's own pain led her to re-evaluate priorities and confront mortality, but also brought unexpected moments of clarity and connection.
Steinke describes pain as both 'claustrophobic' and 'freeing', noting that it can deepen one's engagement with the world. During her worst periods, she spent hours observing squirrels from her window, a practice she considers spiritual. 'To be able to express your pain and to hear others' pain is really hard,' she says. 'But when it's done with authenticity and generosity, it's really amazing.'
