Maria Leonard Olsen, 63, married herself at a Colorado mountain resort in 2018 after her ex-husband of 25 years married his fitness instructor. She sent formal wedding invitations to her three best friends, Anne, Cecily and Linda, who joined her for the ceremony, where she vowed to 'become the best version of myself that I could be'.
"It was an emotionally challenging weekend. I no longer wanted to be married to my ex, but I grieved the loss of our marriage and the irretrievable fracture of our family unit," says the author, attorney, podcaster and TEDx speaker. She woke up feeling depressed on the day of her ex's wedding, but instead of wallowing, she went ahead with her own plans.
Hot tub reception and symbolic details
Maria's bridesmaids gave her a vintage necklace in soft pink, a handmade crown of flowers with ribbons as a veil, a small handmade purse as something borrowed, and earrings as something blue. Instead of bouquets, they carried canvas pictures of Maria and her friends, with frames inscribed with what she loved about each of them.
An older guest at the resort offered to walk her down the aisle to the outdoor pavilion ceremony. The reception was held in a hot tub, with no champagne, as Maria was newly sober after years of alcoholism.
Struggles with alcoholism and family history
Maria's father, who raised her, was a violent alcoholic who had been arrested for beating her mother. She described incidents where he locked her out of the house and pulled a gun on her high school boyfriend. From age 13, she used alcohol to escape. Despite being a straight A student and attending a top 10 law school, she was a blackout drunk every weekend.
Her drinking increased as her children became teenagers and needed her less. At her last rehab, her then husband said she was no longer welcome home, and they separated in the year she turned 50.
Turning 50 and discovering biological father
Living alone and sober for the first time in her adult life, Maria decided to try 50 new things to celebrate her 50th birthday. She sang on stage, took motorcycle driving lessons, went indoor skydiving and travelled the world.
After getting sober and marrying herself, she did a DNA test and discovered that the father who raised her was not her biological father. Her biological father was an actor she had seen in movies. Her mother initially denied it, but later admitted to a one-night stand with a Jewish man in 1962 while engaged to Maria's dad. Maria met her biological father and formed a relationship with him before he died.
Plans for vow renewal
Maria is now planning her ten-year anniversary, where she will reunite with her three bridesmaids and renew her vows on top of a mountain in Colorado. Her life partner, Bill, will probably come, but they have no plans to marry. "We've been together for 13 years and are very happy, but we are never getting married. Neither of us wants to," she says.
Maria is the author of "Before and After the DNA Test," due to be published by Bloomsbury in February, and "50 after 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life."
