Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is back to help readers navigate their most pressing personal issues, from love triangles to obsessive routines. With her trademark straight-talking style, she offers no-nonsense advice to those struggling with complex relationships.
Reader's Dilemma: Falling for the Same Person
One reader, a straight woman in an open relationship with a bisexual girlfriend, writes that both are attracted to the same woman. The third party is an old school friend of the girlfriend who recently returned from Spain. The reader describes her as "gorgeous and funny" and admits she could easily fall for her. However, the girlfriend also fancies her, and they are seeing her separately. The girlfriend has suggested a threesome as an icebreaker, but the reader cannot bear the thought of sharing, even with her own partner.
Jane warns: "I can predict a massive bust up some time soon. The tension and rivalry are already building between you and your long-term girlfriend. You’re in fierce competition and all bets are off." She advises the reader to talk to her girlfriend about where the relationship is going wrong and to see if they can both agree to wean themselves off the third party to save their relationship. Jane adds: "It’s completely up to your joint lover to decide whom she likes best, but if you are the ‘loser’ then you cannot allow any defeat to bring you down."
Reader's Dilemma: Obsessive Need for Order
Another reader describes living with a girlfriend who thrives on order and routine, running the house "like clockwork." Meals are served at precise times, there are strict rules about everything, and he is not allowed to flop on the sofa in case he messes up the cushions. Sex is scheduled for every other Friday at 10pm for exactly thirty minutes. He feels like he is going mad and longs to kick back and relax in his own home.
Jane suggests the girlfriend may have an obsessive disorder: "Her need to maintain order is overwhelming." She advises the reader to talk to her about how her fastidiousness is affecting him. Jane recommends asking whether she needs a job, hobbies, or outside interests, and suggests she might benefit from visiting her GP. She concludes: "Obviously, you don’t want to upset her by issuing threats, but she must understand that things must change if this relationship is to survive."
Readers can write to Just Jane at Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
