Ophelia Lovibond, best known for her roles in W1A and Partygate, has opened up about the profound impact of losing her friend, TV presenter Caroline Flack. In an exclusive interview, Lovibond recalls how poetry became a source of solace in the wake of Flack's death in February 2020.
A Friendship Remembered
Lovibond met Flack at a birthday party for writer Dawn O'Porter. Despite not being familiar with Flack's work, the two immediately connected. 'It was an immediate rapport,' Lovibond said. 'The next day she texted me and said, “Do you want to go for a drink?” We became friends immediately. I'd never met anyone like her before.'
Their bond was unique, and Lovibond cherishes the memories. 'I see things that make me laugh and I think, “Gosh, she'd find that funny,” or I'll see things she'd be outraged by. The friendship is still going even though she's not physically here.'
Coping Through Poetry
After Flack's death, Lovibond struggled to watch footage of her friend. 'The grief and horror of that pain was very different to anything I had felt before,' she said. 'It was so sudden and she was gone. There was no illness. There was no wrapping our heads around it. I felt I needed something to help with that more than the losses I'd experienced in the past – and poetry really helped.'
For Celebration Day, an annual event held on the final Monday of May, Lovibond is reading Christina Rossetti's 1849 poem 'Remember.' The poem's message resonates deeply with her: 'You get that white, hot pain when you lose someone and you think about them all day every day. Sometimes one afternoon, you'll think about them for the first time and feel really guilty that you didn't think about them all morning. This poem is a simple message to say, “That's OK because you can't be completely stuck in this inertia of not living your life because you're remembering mine.”'
The #BeKind Movement
Flack's death sparked the #bekind movement, reminding people of the consequences of online cruelty. However, Lovibond feels that society has not learned enough. 'The whole #bekind thing is important, but it's still very much fodder,' she said. 'There's still the classic thing of build-them-up, tear-them-down. It's addictive. I don't think Caroline's death and the contributing factors towards it have actually had any meaningful change in people's attitudes.'
Keeping Memories Alive
Lovibond encourages others to talk about their loved ones and keep their memories alive. 'I love talking about Caroline. I don't find it upsetting. Talking about the person, for me, has helped. That whole stiff upper lip thing where you don't talk about people – I just think that's bonkers. Talk about them, remember them. As long as you remember them, they're still with you.'
The 'Poems to Remember' series of videos is being released exclusively on The Independent for Celebration Day on Monday 25 May.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch. If you are based in the USA, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you are in another country, go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
